Many times I have sat and wondered how would I behave, what would I do or feel if ever a dear person very close to me passed over?
I feared for my husband, my son, my nephew, my mother, my sister. I perpetually worried about people around me whenever they travelled.
I still remember when Debasish had to travel to Dubai just after our marriage, I cried my eyes out. If he was working late nights I have woken up in the middle of the night scared for his safety.
Perhaps all of this had to do with the fact that my father passed away in an accident when I was too young, when you are too young you are not even aware of the concept of death.
As for me, he was gone somewhere far away and I still remember fantasizing, dreaming how he will come back one day saying that he had some urgent work and sorry how he was for leaving us alone, how he will hold me tight and say he missed me terribly and how life will be beautiful again but that never happened and over the period of time I started becoming bitter, passive aggressive to the extent of spoiling my own life, feeling unworthy, too sensitive to criticism and seeking for love in every other person I met. It took me ages to get to know myself, my shortcomings, my voids, my inhibitions, and my strengths too. Some issues I have worked upon, some are still in the process of getting healed. I may not be where I expect myself to be but I definitely am proud of the journey I have travelled so far.
For past few months, I have been getting quite a few cases of people just on the verge of dying either in a coma or in such a state where they can’t seem to grasp the reality of what is happening around them. People have called me to send Reiki for their terminally ill parents so that they can have them back in their lives so that they can be with them and mend their relationships and they can tell them how much they loved them. When it comes to dealing with a client I am guided to say the right word, do the right thing by them but I had not been able to heal the wound, fill the void that was created by my father’s death.
Death has been quite an evasive topic for me but as I am working with these clients and interacting with the souls, it is getting easier to me slowly to accept DEATH as a major stepping stone.
Death of a near one can be quite daunting to most of us as we will never be able to see, touch, interact with that person ever again. The memories we made of that person can haunt us forever. It takes a lot of courage to see Death just as a transition.
When I started to seek solace and acceptance of Death, a lovely book came my way by Aarti Raheja – ‘Where One is not a number.’ It’s a real-life story where she lost her 12-year-old son and a few years later her husband too. It talks about life after death, couple’s struggle, connecting with their son at an energetic level after he passes over. It talks about Death in its glory. It makes you feel comfortable around Death.
I am still uncomfortable with the Death but somehow now I am in the acceptance of it. Death has to come to each one of us and nothing we can do about it. But we can definitely do something about how we live life.
Living as if it is the last day of our lives and making the most out of it by living with love and integrity. By choosing to do what we wish to do today instead of postponing it to a later day. By picking up that damn phone and saying what you wished to say to your loved one.
Do I give into fears of mine? Yes, of course! I still do. But, I am also aware of the fact that it will soon pass away. There will come a time when I will get over the fear of loss of my near and dear ones.