While I am reading Richard Bach’s book “Running from Safety” a constant nagging thought running parallel in my mind what if I run into my younger self.
What will I see, what will I say, what would I do?
And of course the kind of a person I am, I went running back to my younger self and I encounter a cutest little thing at the age of 5 who is very fond of her Dance and music teacher. She even dances around him and tries to show some moves to impress him. She is not bothered about the world, joyously sings and dances. Dance is her life so is her family; her mother, her sister, her dad especially him. He is her whole world. He would always wake her up however late he came from work. He would always make her sit on his lap and gently chat away with her mom while having his dinner. She was his ‘Doll’.
This is just a glimpse that I get off this lively girl fluttering around like a butterfly.
Suddenly the whole atmosphere changes and I see her terrified of what is happening around her. She is perplexed why her father is lying on the floor, not talking to anyone. Maybe he is sleeping but why there are so many people around him and why her mother is sitting on the floor next to him totally shocked not talking to her or to her sister. Her sister is also standing at the top of the staircase looking down trying to figure out what is happening.
Suddenly this little girl is sent over to the neighbors who stay just opposite their house. Apparently girl’s mother doesn’t want her to be in such a place. Mother wants to save her from the heartache; she doesn’t want this little girlie to say Good bye to her dad as it will be too painful for a 7-year-old. Little did the mother knew that it ached so badly for the girl that she kept standing at the gate of neighbors feeling like she lost everything and everyone at one go. Her father, her mother too as she didn’t allow her to be part of the family in most difficult times. She became a stranger in her own house at that very moment. She became a stranger to all the emotions of her life. Nothing made her happy anymore and nothing could make her sadder than she already was. She lost her father, her life, her dance in that very moment. Life was just a formality then onwards.
As I am watching her going through all these complex emotions at the tender age of 7, I have no clue how to reach out to her. What to tell her to console her. I slowly walk back to where I am. And when I come back from that place I knew I had to do something to bring life back in this little girl’s life. I had to do something to bring art, music and dance back in her life. She has to get alive in order to bring life back to me. I have to bring her back to life for me to experience that lovely range of emotions which I have denied myself for years together.
I guess I have to first make friends with her so that I can reach to that deep inner core of hers so that I can make her feel secure, comfortable once again.
Will keep you informed about my journey with her. If you have any suggestions do let me know.
If you have any moments of yours to share I would be happy to hear them.