“Your perception of me, is a reflection of you. My reaction to you is an awareness of me.”
People are mirrors in our life.If something bothers you about the other, it definitely means it has a trigger that has an existence in you.
To explain it to you in simpler terms say, you know English and the person you are interacting with, is talking to you in Spanish. Since you don’t know that language, you will not understand a word he speaks. However, if the person starts to converse in English it will be easier for you to understand.
Similarly the emotions and feelings also have a language. You can only understand and recognize what’s within you. Hence if something about the other bothers us, it’s important to take a step back and self-reflect where this exists in me. What does it trigger in me?
When you are triggered or challenged by someone, they are simply just mirroring a past experience.
These triggers are the unresolved issues or generally are the similar traits that you dislike, or have rejected about yourself.
When someone does or says something that triggers one of those traits in you, your immediate response is to typically react and defend yourself.
It may seem easier just to blame others for our problems rather than taking responsibility for ourselves. But the truth is, if we continue to project our blame outwardly, we are only choosing to prolong our own suffering.
Whenever these triggers surface it’s basically traumas and wounds that are coming from the past of your own. If you discover certain traits in another person that does not go well with you, they are asking for your attention to acknowledge and heal that wounded part of you. If we keep projecting it outward and blame others for what we are feeling within it will never get healed.
Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves”.
I have a personal experience with a friend who I always found too talkative and loud. That particular trait of hers would irritate me so I avoided meeting her.
When I spoke to my Shamanic Teacher about this;
She asked me, what about her bothers you.
It’s just that she talks too much, I feel she is too much on the face.
What does it do to you?
I feel cornered and not heard.
Have you ever felt that in life?
Yes! While growing up, and till today in some degrees with people around me.
She said – if you have to look at that trait of hers in a positive light, what would it be?
It means She is speaks her mind unapologetic-ally. She doesn’t care what the other will think of her. She is sure of herself and doesn’t need anyone’s approval. She is articulate with her words.
Do you think it’s missing in you?
No and Yes both! While growing up I never bothered what the other person would feel if I said or did something. I was too mindless in my attitude towards. Also it was never easy for me to speak what I really wanted to say. After I grew up and started seeking it made me feel very guilty about it. So now I am very careful of what to speak and care too much about my image and behavior.
Is it your own belief?
Yes and No! It is someone else belief. I was always told to be careful and respectful of others feelings while I was growing up. Now I have become way too careful, in a way that I don’t put my point of view across.
Is it okay for you to drop this belief?
Yes! Plus be more mindful to put my point of view across with empathy however without neglecting my feelings.
Journaling Exercise to heal the triggers :
- What in the other person bothers you the most?
- Take a step back and introspect.
- Can you identify the similar traits that exist in you?
- What feelings does their behavior trigger in you?
- Ask yourself “what is surfacing that needs to be healed in me at this time?”
- Is it possible for you to look at the positive side of the same trait?
- Have you rejected that part of you?
- What can you do to accept that part of you?
From my heart to yours 💕